Expect from Yourself What You Expect from Others

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you & me

Editor’s Note: Fern gave this talk at Kol Nidre Services 5778/2017.

When I graduated college in 1980, I went to live on Kibbutz Revivim in the Negev Desert in Israel. I did not know anyone there or even in Israel. My only Hebrew was “Shalom”.

In those days, living on the Kibbutz was more than just a lifestyle choice. It was also a community choice. The Kibbutz was your home and the people living on the Kibbutz were your family. Maintaining a different kind of lifestyle was not always easy, or even understood by other Israeli’s, but for the people living on Kibbutz Revivim it was something we believed in.

As I look around this room, each one of you made a choice to be with a Jewish community tonight. Not only to be part of a Jewish community, but this community in this building. By being here, you made a decision that this synagogue is a worthwhile place and the people you are sitting with and praying with are important. What ever your reason is, that is your reason, but you still did choose to be here tonight.

Many of us grew up taking our Jewish life and community for granted. If you needed to say kaddish, go to synagogue Friday night, of course there would be a minyan. A Sukkah was just there on Sukkot and magically disappeared right afterward. High holiday tickets came in the mail. We took it for granted that things would just get done, because they did. We took it for granted that when we had an individual need for our Jewish community, they would just be there.

The world has changed. Two synagogues in Essex county closed their doors this year. A minyan on a Friday night in Montclair is not always a guarantee. Families do not all live in the same town or even state, so Shiva minyans or meals just do not happen. Both spouses work, so there are not stay-at-home parents that are happy to volunteer during the day. And when we all get home from work, doing a “nice to do” versus “need to do” is tiring. We will all have those times, when our individual need is urgent, but how can you expect the community to be there for you if you are not there for the community.

Kibbutzim survived because the members took ownership of wanting to preserve their community. On this Yom Kippur, I ask you – Take ownership of this community . Expect from yourself what you expect others to do for you.

I believe it is the little things that make all the difference. So I ask you: Is there one thing you can do this year to better support this community? Is there one shiva minyan you can go to for someone you do not know. Is there one Friday night service you can attend to insure a minyan for those who are in need. Is there one dirty plate you can throw away just because someone else left it on the table. Is IHN volunteer you can sign up for when the first announcement is sent . On a Saturday, can you personally say thank you to one of the Kiddush preparers. Is there a Sukkah you can help build this Sunday. Can you bring one, maybe two cans of food for Project Isiah. Can you just say “Hineini”, here I am, when called on.

Many people in this room do the big things. And I truly thank you. Without you we could not have a synagogue and therefore, we would not have a community. During this day of contemplation, I ask you to think if there is a little thing you can do this year to continue to strengthen our Jewish home at Shomrei and our synagogue family. Tonight is Kol Nidre. We acknowledge our imperfection as individuals and as a Jewish community. Perfection is an aspiration, but if we do not strive to achieve it, then we will never succeed. From little things, big things grow.

image: “SHARING” by Hoffnungsschimmer is licensed under CC BY 2.0

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