My friend is dying
After a long and determined struggle he knows that there is no more hope for a recovery, for more time, for more life
His wife left her job last month to be with him. She watches him grow physically weaker every day. But they can still be together to share this time, where every moment is saturated with the contrasting forces of depletion and intensity.
He is getting weaker and has relinquished so much of what once defined and enriched his life. He can no longer taste or even swallow the fine foods that he used to delight in cooking, serving, eating and discussing. He can no longer dress himself, let alone shop for the tastefully exquisite clothes that he selected with care. and with an eye for a bargain. An unstoppable talker, he can hardly speak.
She asks him how he wants to spend his remaining days. He answers that he wishes only that he had more time “to work on my middot – my character, my decency.”
His daughter takes a leave from her Israeli army unit to fly home to see him. She tells her mother, “Dad was always wonderful, but now he has really become such a mensch.”
The blessing we have reached in our ongoing exploration of our traditional prayers is the tenth of the middle section of blessings in the Amidah. We pray:
“Over all the righteous and the pious and the elders of Your people Israel, and over the remnant of their scholars, and over the righteous converts – and over us – may Your mercies please flow, O Eternal, our Almighty God.
And grant a good reward to all who truly trust in Your Name.
And place our portion among them, and may we never suffer humiliation, for we do trust in You.
You abound in blessings, Eternal One, support and refuge of the righteous.”
Enfolded in this blessing are multiple strands of yearning and celebration. As we celebrate the possibility that human beings can become exemplary people, righteous, just and faithful, we yearn for more faith for ourselves and we yearn for more mercy in the world and we yearn to be included among the righteous and committed people we know are out there. We strive to take note of them, to be more like them, to try to work on making ourselves more compassionate and decent people. We yearn to, like the righteous, “trust in God’s Name,” for God’s Name is “The Good One,” “The Compassionate One.” Knowing that there are such righteous people can give us faith and courage. And, if we are not yet righteous ourselves, at least we declare our aspiration to be included in their company.
“And may we never suffer humiliation.” For we fear for our vulnerability and the threat of being diminished. We yearn for dignity. There is so much we pursue in this life in order to gain that feeling. But Death is hardly impressed by any of it. Can we endure life while preserving our dignity? And, moreover, can we, even as we grow weaker, still actually grow as human beings? Humiliation seems to lurk at every turn when we are overtaken by the ravages of sickness. But humiliation can never touch a person who wishes only to work on becoming more of a mensch. May my portion be with him.
Image:“Just Married(3)” by madebyWstudio is licensed under CC BY 2.0
- Toby Stein: In Memoriam - Thu, Feb 8, 2024
- Faithfulness and Hope: Parashat Sh’lach - Thu, Jun 23, 2022
- Past Their Prime: Parashat B’ha`a lot’kha - Thu, Jun 16, 2022