Simhat Torah Chat-Jokes

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During the Simhat Torah Service on Zoom, congregants shared their jokes via chat.  Due to popular request, here is the chat log:

Saul 07:35 PM:
Why don’t cannibals eat clowns?
Adrienne 07:36 PM:
Why?
Allen 07:36 PM:
because they taste funny!


Charlie, Nancy, Alan, Kate, Lyla  07:37 PM:
I have a great joke about Covid, the only problem is if I tell it to you tonight it will take you 2 weeks to get it.
Sarita Eisenberg 07:37 PM:
Or maybe just 2 weeks to get over it

Adrienne 07:38 PM:
knock knock
Lynne 07:38 PM:
who’s there
Adrienne 07:38 PM:
Goliath
Lynne 07:38 PM:
Goliath who
Adrienne 07:38 PM:
Goliath down, you looketh tired.

Lynne 07:54 PM:
How many tickles does it take to get an octopus to laugh?
Adrienne 07:54 PM:
how many?
Lynne 07:54 PM:
ten-tickles

Adrienne 07:56 PM:
What’s the best thing about Switzerland?
Lynne 07:57 PM:
What?
Adrienne 07:57 PM:
I don’t know, but the flag is a big plus.

Maya 07:58 PM:
What do you call a security guard for a Samsung shop?
Lynne 07:58 PM:
What?
Maya 07:58 PM:
Guardians of the galaxy

Adrienne 07:59 PM:
Why do we tell actors to break a leg?
Maya 07:59 PM:
Why?
Adrienne 07:59 PM:
Because every play has a cast

Charlie, Nancy, Alan, Kate, Lyla  07:59 PM:
knock knock
Adrienne 07:59 PM:
who’s there?
Charlie, Nancy, Alan, Kate, Lyla  07:59 PM:
doctor
Adrienne 08:00 PM:
doctor who?
Charlie, Nancy, Alan, Kate, Lyla  08:00 PM:
You watch “Doctor Who” too!!!!

Fern 07:59 PM:
Why can’t you give Elsa a balloon?
Adrienne 08:00 PM:
why?
Fern 08:00 PM:
Because She will let it go, let it go

Charlie, Nancy, Alan, Kate, Lyla  08:04 PM:
How do you know there have been elephants in the refrigerator?
Adrienne 08:05 PM:
How?
Charlie, Nancy, Alan, Kate, Lyla  08:05 PM:
There are footprints in the jello
Adrienne 08:05 PM:
I thought it was the butter?

Adrienne 08:05 PM:
Where are average things manufactured?
Lynne 08:08 PM:
where?
Adrienne 08:09 PM:
The satisfactory.

Lynne 08:06 PM:
Knock knock
Maya 08:06 PM:
who’s there
Lynne 08:06 PM:
control freak. Now you say “control freak who…”

Charlie, Nancy, Alan, Kate, Lyla  08:07 PM:
How many surrealist painters does it take to change a lightbulb?
Maya 08:07 PM:
how many?
Charlie, Nancy, Alan, Kate, Lyla  08:07 PM:
grapes
Adrienne 08:08 PM:
That’s hilarious

Charlie, Nancy, Alan, Kate, Lyla  08:08 PM:
what do you call a shape that is not there?
Adrienne 08:05 PM:
no idea
Charlie, Nancy, Alan, Kate, Lyla  08:09 PM:
an octo-gone

Maya 08:11 PM:
Where does the General keep his armies?
Maya 08:11 PM:
In his sleevies!

Charlie, Nancy, Alan, Kate, Lyla  08:11 PM:
knock knock
Adrienne 08:11 PM:
who’s there?
Charlie, Nancy, Alan, Kate, Lyla  08:11 PM:
window
Adrienne 08:12 PM:
Window who?
Charlie, Nancy, Alan, Kate, Lyla  08:12 PM:
window I get to tell another joke.
Adrienne 08:15 PM:
How about now?

Adrienne 08:15 PM:
How do you keep a bagel from getting away?
Maya 08:15 PM:
How?
Adrienne 08:15 PM:
Put lox on it

Lynne 08:17 PM:
Why don’t scientists trust atoms?
Adrienne 08:17 PM:
Because they make up everything?
: )

Maya 08:17 PM:
Where do you find a cow with no legs?
Adrienne 08:17 PM:
Where?
Maya 08:17 PM:
Right where you left it!
Adrienne 08:18 PM:
Maya – you are cracking me up.

Lynne 08:21 PM:
What do you call a hippie’s wife?
Maya 08:21 PM:
what?
Lynne 08:22 PM:
A Mississippi

Mark 08:21 PM:
What do you call a dear with no eyes
Mark 08:21 PM:
No idea
Adrienne 08:22 PM:
(said with a New York accent)

Adrienne 08:35 PM:
What did the buffalo say when his son left for college?
Lynne 08:35 PM:
bison
Maya 08:35 PM:
Byson?

Adrienne 08:41 PM:
I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high.  She looked at me surprised.

Adrienne 08:42 PM:
Time flies like an arrow… fruit flies like a banana.

Saul 08:45 PM:
There were so many break-ins at the parking garage.
Saul 08:45 PM:
That is wrong, on so many levels.

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