A Letter To My Son

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I wrote this letter to my son in response to the antisemitism we’ve been experiencing in Montclair and our nation. I wrote this letter in time for Shabbat. I plan to read it to him at our Shabbat dinner and insist he puts it away in safe keeping somewhere in his room. I hope my letter helps others discuss antisemitism with their children.

My Dear Son,

During the month of November, I introduced into your vocabulary the word “Antisemitism”. I read to you articles about the FBI warning, that a person or group, might be planning to do something mean to our synagogue. And that in Edgemont Park, anti Jewish symbols and mean words against Jews were etched into the various places of the playground. I read these articles to you because I want you to be aware, I want you to have a plan of defense if something were to happen, and I want you to grow your Jewish activism.

I think what scared you the most was the FBI warning about a threat to synagogues in New Jersey. It scared me too. It’s scary because it made us feel out of control. We can’t control someone doing something mean to us. It seems the mean people have all the power.

Your reaction to the images of the swastikas was profound. You recognized the image from Hinduism. We googled how the original swastika, still used in Hindu prayer, represents peace and good fortune. You were making an effort to reframe the swastika and make it less scary. That’s smart. I do that too. I distance myself from hatred. The Europeanized version of the swastika is not about me or my belief systems. It’s about the unfortunate misinformation and prejudice brewed in the homes of some people. Some people feel vulnerable and scared, so they create false narratives about another group to feel better about themselves. I think in your middle school you see this a lot in the cafeteria and playground. There’s the popular kids, the tech kids, the nerdy kids. But it’s all just made up. At the end of the day, it’s just a bunch of kids on the playground. No one is more special than anyone else.

So how do I deal with antisemitism, misinformation about Jews and being scared of immenent danger to our synagogue? I connect to my higher self. My whole life I’ve known one truth. God loves me. And this love from a higher power isn’t because I’m special or have done anything special. I’ve always known and felt that God just loves me as I am. I have evidence of God’s relentless love in all the blessings that come my way during hard times. And when I sit with this encompassing love, I know my value.

I also feel God has gifted me Judaism. It’s a gift that can help me when I need support, community and enlightenment. Judaism is rooted in my ancestry, in reading Torah as a community and questioning the text to make sense of it for ourselves. It’s something I can trust to ground me when life seems to be getting very complicated.

So my son – for all the days that I bring you to synagogue, where you learn Torah and the rituals that connect us to the word of God, I ask you: Do you believe in God? Do you believe God loves you? Do you believe God speaks to us through the Torah?

This is the root of your activism. You have to know your own answers to these questions.

Once you know your value and belief system, the path will present itself. You’re not guaranteed answers, an easy life or acceptance by others. You have to work for all that. But it all begins with truly believing in a higher power and that this force in the universe loves you.

The rest is just people. And people are complicated.
Love,
Mommy

Author’s Note: As a middle school teacher and advocate for youth, I highly recommend that parents write letters or make voice memos for their children around tough topics. Letters/memos make our children feel important and they can read/listen to it whenever they need it. It can also model good self regulation. When our children feel overwhelmed, they can write letters to themselves, God or a person of their choosing to express their thoughts.

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5 thoughts on “A Letter To My Son”

  1. Very insightful and heartwarming. Staying connected with your Jewish community is also important, so you do not feel “different”. Individually we feel differently, but as a community, we feel united

  3. What a meaningful and thoughtful letter to Brian. It is truly a model of how we can not only speak with our children, but also with each other. Expressing thoughts and feelings is the first step to self knowledge, and you are facilitating that not only with your son, but with all of our community.

  4. Naz- thank you for sharing this very personal, yet universal letter to Brian (and to all our children). I love your suggestion that everyone should think about doing something similar and referencing it for the future.

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