Editor Note:  Lynne shared her conversion story at Shabbat/Shavuot services on May 27, beginning a new tradition where a different congregant will share their conversion story each year on the second day of Shavuot when we read from the Book of Ruth.

Hi, I’m Lynne. I’m a convert.

I met Bruce on a blind date. We instantly bonded over theater technology. I was a professionally trained actress, and, in addition to performing, I had spent time backstage working with, among other things, sound and lighting. He was a follow spot and light board operator on Broadway.

We began a relationship, during which time he introduced me to his family and his large extended family. He began including me in (dragging me to?) family holidays and events. I attended Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur services, Chanukah parties, Passover seders, his grandmother’s 90th birthday and his grandparents 70th wedding anniversary.

This required a lot of driving… to Queens, to Connecticut, to Baltimore…

During these long car rides we would talk. We talked about “love being love,” and that you sometimes couldn’t help who you fall in love with. And to narrow the field down in any way might mean that you miss out on the opportunity to find love.

I learned of his family history. His maternal grandparents each came into Baltimore straight off the boat from Eastern Europe. Zadie Tenner did not speak a word of English until the day he died. He spoke Yiddish. Bruce’s paternal grandparents were first generation. Their parents each came through Ellis Island from Eastern Europe and then made their way to Baltimore.

Zadie Rubin opened a jewelry store and repaired watches. Zadie Tenner opened a grocery store.

Both men married women who could provide a Jewish home and carry out Jewish rituals. But, owning stores meant that both men had to work on Shabbat and holidays. However, upon retiring, each of them became strongly observant and happy about it.

Bruce, working in the theater, still works evenings and weekends and still can’t take off for Jewish services and holidays. On those car rides, Bruce spoke of his grandfathers with admiration.

As we had these conversations, it became clear to me (though he never said this explicitly) that being Jewish was a non-negotiable part of the package with him.

Well, I had had a few Jewish friends in school so I was exposed to Judaism a little bit through them. But I grew up Unitarian Universalist! Which, if you didn’t know, is full of Judeo-Christian couples. It’s practically Reform Judaism.

Being “UU” means accepting and respecting all beliefs and practices. “Deeds not creeds.” So, from an early age, religious plurality was ingrained in me. As for Bruce being Jewish, I thought, “I’m a UU. I can work with this!”

I told Bruce that I wanted to stay UU because that’s who I was. I said I would definitely include Judaism in our lives, but I felt I’d be a hypocrite – that I’d be going against the beliefs of inclusion on which I was raised – if I became Jewish myself. I told him I would never convert.

However, as I continued to celebrate holidays and milestones with him, and to see Judaism in practice within a very strong and large family, I began to think more closely about the children I would raise with Bruce. It occurred to me that if I wanted my children to be a part of this family – this tightly knit Jewish community – I would be a hypocrite if I didn’t convert.

He said, “Are you sure? You know you don’t have to. But YAY.”

My future sister-in-law said, “Are you sure? You know you don’t have to. But YAY.”

My future mother-in-law said …

Somewhere in all of that, Bruce and I had a civil wedding and began to make a home together. I began to learn what it would take for me to become Jewish.

So. If you didn’t know, becoming a Conservative Jew (and that was where he put his foot down. I had to become a Conservative Jew) means study. Lots of study. And the partner has to be included in that study. So we found a teacher. We sat in this rabbi’s small living room while he talked! And talked. He did give me a list of books to buy, some of which I still use today, including two books with which I was able to learn (with his help) to read Hebrew. However, I found the whole experience to be flat and uninteresting. Bruce did too. I began to question my choice to convert.

Upon complaining to my sister-in-law, she said, “Find another teacher! Find a group class! We’re talking about Judaism here. You’ll never get anything out of it if it’s just the two of you!”

So. We found a Rabbi at the JCC in Manhattan (who was a convert herself!) who ran group conversion classes. We chose a group that met on Monday nights (the only night Bruce had off from the theater). We sat in her living room with several other couples and we talked. We asked questions. We read. We had Shabbat dinners. We wrote D’var Torahs (Torrim?) It was wonderful. I began to really become excited about becoming Jewish.

But that was only part of the process.

I had to find a synagogue so I could attend services, and a Rabbi who would help me continue the process. I found a Conservative synagogue and Rabbi in Fair Lawn. But in true Jewish fashion, the Rabbi had to meet me first. And check me out.

He, after hearing my story, asked me, “What about Christmas?!” I said, “well, I really like the music…” I did also tell him that I loved the idea of a brand new baby coming into the world promising so much hope. I loved the idea of hope and light in the darkness of winter… “but that’s kind of what Chanukah is about, right?…”

Then he said, “What about Jesus Christ?” I said, “Well, I’m a Unitarian!” I did also tell him that personally, I believed that Jesus was probably a real man who was an incredible teacher. But do I believe he was the son of God? Probably not.

I then told him I had learned to read Hebrew. He raised his eyebrows, handed me an open prayer book, pointed to a prayer and said, “Here. Read this,” Of course, I stumbled over the words, but then I took a deep breath, started over, and read the prayer. Very slowly. I was beginning to wear him down.

I began to attend the Torah study sessions and I began to go to services. Now. This prayer book was NOT the Lev Shalem. There was little or no transliteration, no arrows pointing out when the congregation was supposed to join in … it was overwhelming. It was intimidating. I felt like an imposter. But I won the Rabbi over and he agreed to gather my Bet Din – he and two other rabbis who would sit in front of me and pass judgment as to whether or not they were going to let me in. They did.

A quick note about my Unitarian Universalist parents. At first, they were thrown off balance at the thought of my conversion. But they stuck with me and eventually became proud of the religious diversity in their family. How very UU of them. They still celebrate Jewish holidays with us (though not in synagogue) and my kids and I still celebrate their holidays with them (though not in church). Somehow, through often sticky conversations, I have instilled in my children that those are their holidays, not ours, but they are our family. My children have become very comfortable with the religious diversity in our family.

So. On May 20, 2004, on the heels of Shavuot, I became Jewish.

By August I was pregnant.

In October we had a small ceremony and signed our Ketubah (the official Jewish wedding contract).

On May 15, 2005, also on the heels of Shavuot, my Jewish son was born…

When he was two, we found our way to Shomrei… through the preschool!

Now. Going to services with a young child is difficult. Especially if you have trouble following the service in the first place. Going to services with young children by yourself, because your Jewish husband works nights and weekends, is really difficult. By the time I had my third child, I basically stopped going. It was too hard. My Jewish learning had pretty much stopped. And I still felt like an outsider. Like I didn’t belong. Even though the community had accepted me and embraced our family.

Then, Shabbat Hebrew school was initiated, and my kids got older. I was freed up to attend services. I began to dip my toe back in the water. I began to learn again.

Then, the pandemic happened and my learning was further re-awakened in the safety of online classes.

Then, on Passover 2022, with COVID still spiking, we were invited to two different friends’ houses for seder.

On the morning of the second seder, my friend called me and told me that someone who had been at their seder the night before, had COVID. “You can still come if you want…” I respectfully declined. My children, who were extremely sad to miss out, felt I made the right decision.

But then, they started asking me, “Mom. Can we have a seder here?”

“Uhhhhm. No.”

I hadn’t made any foods yet (though I had planned to after the seders). I had led maybe 2 or 3 seders at our house. Ever. In 18 years. The task seemed insurmountable in every way. But my kids persisted. So I sat down and made an extensive list of provisions, ran to the (non kosher) grocery store at about 10:30 in the morning, and by about 6:30 I sat down with my kids and my non-Jewish parents and we had a seder!

It was then that I realized, my children are fully Jewish.

And it was then that I realized, after nearly 20 years, I am too.