Letter to the Congregation: Being a Beloved Community

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Dear Beloved Shomrei Community,

Oy Vey the Challah. This was the subject line of an email I received from one of our preschool dads about the decision of the owner of a West Orange Bake Shop to cancel an order of rainbow desserts for Pride Shababt at a nearby Conservative synagogue. This preschool dad and his husband had been enjoying the delicious challah their daughter brought home from preschool every week, challahs baked by the West Orange Bake Shop.

Upon hearing the news, after a direct conversation with the rabbis involved, we suspended our business with West Orange Bake Shop. But we waited to make this public announcement and a final decision until repeated attempts to talk directly with the owner failed to produce an apology or a change of heart. While the Supreme Court protects the owner’s right to decline LGBTQ+ friendly business, we could not live up to our values of treating every human being as created b’tzelem Elohim, and continue to spend money in his bakery.

One of my favorite texts teaches in the name of Rabbi Akiva, that every human being is beloved because they are created in the image of God. The text continues, a person is even more beloved when it is made known to them that they are created in the image of God. Our decision to buy our challahs and baked goods elsewhere is rooted in this teaching. It’s not enough to say occasionally that every person, including every LGBTQ+ person, is created in the Divine image. It is also our responsibility to make sure they know it fully and always feel beloved.

Here in Israel, our family started our vacation at Mitzpei Ramon, the town built at the edge of the Ramon crater in the desert. That Friday, the last day in June, there was a Pride rally in downtown Mitzpei. We saw music and dancing and rainbow flags but also hurtful signs in Hebrew with words like ‘I only have one flag and it’s blue and white’ or ‘honor your father and mother’ implying there’s only one kind of Jewish family. Here the conflict of values was made explicit by the contrasting flags hanging from the balconies of neighbors.

It made me appreciate even more what a special community we have in Montclair. That’s why it was so important for me to offer a blessing at the beginning of the Pride Rally in front of Wellmont Plaza and for Shomrei to have a table at the Pride Festival on Bloomfield Avenue. That’s why Lily Lucey, our student rabbi, organized a special Pride Shabbat service and Debra Caplan, chair of our inclusion initiatives inspired us to display the Pride flag outside of our building. And that’s why our pre-K teachers had a conversation with the children about all the different names they call their parents in preparation for Yom Ahavah (our Day of Love combining Mother’s and Father’s Day) – to affirm from a young age that in our synagogue, Jewish families can look many ways, including those that have a dad and a papa or a mommy and a mama.

It is also important to remember the Orthodox community is diverse with a range of beliefs and practices around LGBTQ inclusion. Here at Hartman, I am studying with an ultra-Orthodox rabbi, Mike Moskowitz, who is an active supporter of the LGBTQ+ community, devoted to opening minds and hearts within his community. And when I was the Director of Princeton Hillel, many of our Orthodox students attended our Pride Shabbat Dinner, publicly and intentionally supporting the LGBTQ+ community. It is my hope that this incident will encourage us to build more allies within our local and national Orthodox Jewish community.

I opened my letter with the words, dear beloved Shomrei community. To be a beloved community, one in which each of us feels beloved regardless of who we love or how we express our gender identity, we have to actively and explicitly express our values, again and again.

Shabbat Shalom from Jerusalem,
Rabbi Julie

Rabbi Julie Roth
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